Understanding Yourself Through Existential Therapy
Who am I?
That can be such a simple question for some, but for many, it can be quite difficult to answer. Understanding who we are and how we define our identity can influence many aspects of our lives because it shapes our worldview, our relationships, and how we interact with others. Throughout our lives, we take on many roles that each come with their own expectations, assumptions, and responsibilities. We may be a child, a friend, an employee, a parent, a student, and many other things. These roles can help us find purpose, build connections, and develop a sense of belonging, but we often hold multiple roles at once.
Juggling the expectations and responsibilities of each role can be overwhelming. It can leave us feeling lost, disconnected from ourselves, or unsure of our identity outside of our most important roles. We may feel that we both know ourselves best and don't know ourselves at the same time. This can lead us to feel like we're simply going through the motions of performing our roles, which may contribute to mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression. When we feel disconnected from who we are or uncertain about what we want, therapy can provide an opportunity to slow down and explore those questions.
This is where existential therapy can be beneficial. Existential therapy offers a different perspective on feeling lost and encourages us to explore our identity, values, choices, and sense of purpose as we work toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.
What Is Existential Therapy?
Existential therapy is a humanistic psychotherapy approach that comes from existential philosophy and has been influenced by the work of individuals such as Viktor Frankl, Rollo May, and Irvin Yalom.
Existential therapy focuses on how individuals understand and interpret their experiences and how those interpretations influence their choices and ways of living (Ginter et al., 2018). Rather than giving clients predetermined answers to life's challenges, existential therapy encourages individuals to explore their own experiences and develop their own understanding of what those experiences mean to them.
Existential therapy doesn't assume that there is one "right" way to live. Each person has to explore these questions within the context of their own life, values, relationships, and experiences. This can make existential counseling especially helpful for people who are questioning their identity, searching for meaning, experiencing major life transitions, or feeling disconnected from themselves. Some of the major themes in existential therapy include meaning, freedom, choice, responsibility, authenticity, and morality (Ginter et al., 2018).
Meaning and Purpose
Meaning-making is a major aspect of existential therapy because the approach is interested in how people make sense of themselves and the world around them. Meaning, in existential therapy, is deeply personal and individualized. What gives one person's life meaning may not have the same significance for someone else. A person can find meaning through a variety of avenues, such as relationships, family, work, creativity, spirituality, and community (Price, 2011).
Meaning can also change throughout our lives. What once gave us a strong sense of purpose may eventually no longer feel meaningful. This can happen during major life transitions, changes in relationships, career changes, loss, or other significant experiences.
Finding meaning doesn't necessarily mean having one grand purpose or having everything figured out. Sometimes meaning can be found in smaller, everyday experiences, such as creating something, helping another person, pursuing a goal, spending time with people we care about, or choosing to do something that matters to us (Price, 2011).
Exploring meaning and purpose in therapy can help us better understand what is important to us and how we want to spend our time and energy.
Choices: Freedom and Responsibility
Existential therapy also emphasizes the importance of freedom and responsibility when it comes to our choices. The approach recognizes that individuals have the ability to make choices and that they also have responsibility for the choices they make (Ginter et al., 2018). This doesn't mean that we have complete control over our lives because there are circumstances we can't choose and experiences we can't prevent. Instead, existential therapy encourages us to look at how we respond to the situations we find ourselves in.
We aren't responsible for everything that happens to us, but we do have some responsibility for how we respond to those circumstances. For example, we may not be able to change something that happened in the past, but we can explore how we want to respond to it in the present. This idea can be both empowering and difficult. Having choices means that we have some control over the direction of our lives, but it also means that we have to make decisions and take responsibility for them. Sometimes it can feel easier to let other people make decisions for us or to simply follow what is expected of us. However, doing this over time can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves and unsure of what we actually want. Therapy can provide a space to explore these choices without judgment and to better understand how our decisions connect with our values, relationships, and goals.
Authenticity and Living According to Your Values
Authenticity is another major concept in existential therapy. To be authentic, in existential therapy, is to be more aware of ourselves and to live in ways that are consistent with our values. It involves really examining whether our lives reflect what is genuinely important to us (Tookey, 2023).We are all impacted by different external influences that affect the choices we make and the responsibilities we have. Our families, friends, communities, cultures, and experiences can all influence how we view ourselves and what we believe we should be doing with our lives. Authenticity involves becoming more aware of these influences and considering whether the choices we make reflect what we genuinely value. When we live our lives by going through the motions and trying to fulfill roles and expectations that have been placed on us, it may lead us to feeling lost. In identifying our values, we can more clearly define what is important to us and why. Through identifying our values, we can also establish our goals more effectively and work toward those goals in a way that aligns with those values (Tookey, 2023). Living authentically can also involve accepting that our values may change over time. As we experience different relationships, challenges, losses, and transitions, we may develop a different understanding of what matters to us. Part of understanding ourselves is allowing space for this growth instead of feeling obligated to remain the same person because that is who we have been in the past.
What Does Existential Therapy Look Like?
Existential therapy is a collaborative approach between the client and the counselor. Through this approach, the counselor doesn't take the role of the expert who has all the answers to the client's concerns. Instead, the counselor works with the client to explore their values, experiences, choices, and goals (Ginter et al., 2018). The counselor may encourage the client to explore their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and beliefs in order to gain greater self-awareness. This can include exploring what gives them purpose, what they value, how they make decisions, and how they interpret the circumstances they find themselves in. Existential counseling may also involve exploring questions about identity, relationships, responsibility, freedom, meaning, and what it means to live authentically. The assumption is that the client knows themselves best, but they may need support in understanding themselves better. Therapy can offer a safe and supportive space to slow down, reflect, and explore these questions without needing to have all the answers immediately.
Exploring Who You Are in Therapy
Feeling lost or disconnected from yourself does not mean that something is wrong with you. Sometimes, it can be an invitation to slow down and explore what matters to you, what you value, and how you want to live your life.
Existential therapy can provide a space to explore these questions with curiosity and without judgment. If you are struggling with your identity, feeling disconnected from yourself, or experiencing anxiety or depression related to life transitions or uncertainty, therapy can help you better understand your experiences and what you want moving forward.
At BreakFree Therapy Services, we believe you are more than a diagnosis or a collection of symptoms. Our therapists provide a supportive space to explore who you are, what matters to you, and where you want to go next.
If you are looking for existential therapy or individual counseling in Fort Myers, FL, or throughout Florida through telehealth, contact BreakFree Therapy Services to learn more about our services.
About the Author
Elizabeth Termilus, CMHCI, is a Clinical Mental Health Counseling Intern at BreakFree Therapy Services, providing counseling support to clients in Fort Myers, Florida, and throughout Florida through online therapy. She takes a compassionate, person-centered approach to counseling and is passionate about helping clients better understand themselves, explore their identities, and develop a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.
Elizabeth works with clients to create a supportive space where they can explore their experiences, values, relationships, and goals without judgment. She is especially interested in helping clients develop greater self-awareness, navigate life transitions, and better understand what is meaningful to them.
Reviewed By: Jenesis Vasquez, LMHC/ Maria Oritz, LMHC, CEDS
References
https://nspc.org.uk/about-the-school/the-existential-approach/
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/11/meaning
Citation:
Hoffman, L., Vallejos, L., Cleare-Hoffman, H. P., & Rubin, S. (2015). Emotion, relationship, and meaning as core existential practice: Evidence-based foundations. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 45, 11–20. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-014-9277-9
National School of Psychotherapy and Counselling. (2024). What is the existential approach? https://nspc.org.uk/about-the-school/the-existential-approach/
Price, M. (2011, November 1). Searching for meaning. Monitor on Psychology, 42(10). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/11/meaning
Tookey, S. (2023, August 8). Existential psychotherapy: Embracing meaning and authenticity. True North Psychology. https://www.truenorth-psychology.com/post/existential-psychotherapy-embracing-meaning-and-authenticity
Wong, P. T. P. (2010). Meaning therapy: An integrative and positive existential psychotherapy. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 40(2), 85–99. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-009-9132-6
Ginter, E. J., Roysircar, G., & Gerstein, L. H. (2018). Theories and applications of counseling and psychotherapy: Relevance across cultures and settings. SAGE Publications.